http://stayhappilymarried.com/2008/04/28/coping-with-an-illness-in-your-marriage/ A marriage and relationship resource for couples seeking marriage counseling and growth. Wed, 10 Jun 2009 23:50:54 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8 hourly 1 http://stayhappilymarried.com/2008/04/28/coping-with-an-illness-in-your-marriage/comment-page-1/#comment-54 Terri Corcoran Wed, 29 Apr 2009 14:23:57 +0000 http://stayhappilymarried.com/?p=78#comment-54 I have just read Lee Rosen's interview with David Garver which was re-published in an e-newsletter to members of the Well Spouse Association. I am so glad that attention is being paid to the plight of spousal caregivers. Unlike other family caregivers, spousal caregivers suffer great loss in the marriage relationship. One thing Dr. Garver did not address is the challenge of the ill spouse having dementia. In this case, it is not possible for the couple to deal with the illness together. I became a well spouse almost as soon as I married my husband 10 years ago. He is afflicted with Fragile X Tremor Ataxia Syndrome (FXTAS), a genetic neurodegenerative illness which has atrophied his brain and horribly disabled him mentally and physically. I have basically "done" this marriage alone, but am glad to be able to say I found God along the way, and miraculously our marriage hit the 10-year mark last week with my husband and I still loving each other, even though he barely speaks and cannot do much of anything. My question from the beginning was "how do you have a marriage when your husband has dementia?", but by the grace of God, Well Spouse Assn., and good Christian counseling, I have found some answers. Nothing will ever replace my husband's brilliant mind, but God has given me a more healthy and hopeful perspective. If only the healthy couples out there would realize how lucky they are, and stop sweating the petty stuff!!!!! I have just read Lee Rosen’s interview with David Garver which was re-published in an e-newsletter to members of the Well Spouse Association. I am so glad that attention is being paid to the plight of spousal caregivers. Unlike other family caregivers, spousal caregivers suffer great loss in the marriage relationship.
One thing Dr. Garver did not address is the challenge of the ill spouse having dementia. In this case, it is not possible for the couple to deal with the illness together. I became a well spouse almost as soon as I married my husband 10 years ago. He is afflicted with Fragile X Tremor Ataxia Syndrome (FXTAS), a genetic neurodegenerative illness which has atrophied his brain and horribly disabled him mentally and physically. I have basically “done” this marriage alone, but am glad to be able to say I found God along the way, and miraculously our marriage hit the 10-year mark last week with my husband and I still loving each other, even though he barely speaks and cannot do much of anything.
My question from the beginning was “how do you have a marriage when your husband has dementia?”, but by the grace of God, Well Spouse Assn., and good Christian counseling, I have found some answers. Nothing will ever replace my husband’s brilliant mind, but God has given me a more healthy and hopeful perspective.
If only the healthy couples out there would realize how lucky they are, and stop sweating the petty stuff!!!!!

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